We don’t know about you, but the whole Currier and Ives thing ain’t happening around most of the tables we hear about. During the holidays, FOO issues (That’s Family of Origin issues to you therapy novices) are flying around like Santa and his eight tiny resentful reindeer (wishing Santa would stick to his diet for once and stop yelling at them to go faster and why can’t he help pack the sled just this one teeny weeny time and hasn’t anyone told him about putting his carry-on liquids in a plastic baggie and does he ALWAYS have to wait until the LAST MINUTE to deliver these #@%$#* gifts???)
LifeWorks tips to get your FOO on this happy holiday season:
Let it go, let it go, let it go…
Can you give up your perfectionism? Should you be making throwaway fudge for your kids’ teachers this year or just wrap up a Wal-Mart mug and some store-bought hot chocolate? Do you really need to accept that invitation to the annual open house given by the aunt whose dog hates you? Could you let your brother’s baiting comments roll off your back? Letting go is essential when dealing with the FOO (and neighbors and teachers and friends…)
You better watch out, She’s gonna make you cry, You better not pout, we’re telling you why…
Is it just us, or have you been in this FOO your whole life? Has anyone REALLY changed? I mean, she says it EVERY YEAR, doesn’t she? Perhaps this year, you could just accept the inevitable and skip the whole indignation, crying jag, resentment, cold-shoulder thing.
Hark the Herald Angels Sing (About Me)
Okay – the narcissist. Every FOO has one. The obnoxious sister that sucks all the air out of the room? The critical, cranky crybaby who thinks the heavens revolve around him? Did you know moods don’t have to be contagious? Did you know that one person in the room can be utterly impossible and everyone else can just … ignore him? Try it. Smile. Think to yourself, “Wow, he’s unbelievably self-centered. I’ve never seen anything quite like it in my whole life.” And then move on. Don’t waste your energy or your breath.
Silent Fight, Really long Night
One of our favorites… the silent raging tension. You know the scene… everyone in the FOO sitting around the table, clinking silverwear on dishes that never get used, commenting politely on the turkey – and every last one of you resents being there? Our recommendation: Keep it brief. If you must go (and believe it or not, there’s no rule that says you have to), go for a brief period of time – as long as you can remain genuinely pleasant and personable – and then … leave. Your car has those round rubber things on it, doesn’t it? Use them.
Jingle Hell, Jingle Hell, Reacting All the Way
A little all-purpose holiday tip: Just DON’T TAKE THE BAIT. Do not get sucked in. Do not get provoked. Boundaries are your friends. Take them with you to meet your family. They’ll be surprised (nay, shocked!) by the new member of the group, but eventually, they will adjust.
