harnessing the most powerful force in nature – the adolescent
“Kids don’t have problems, they have parents.” Probably not the way you wanted this article to start out, huh? It’s a tough reality for some parents, but our field research (providing therapy to thousands of adolescents and their families over the 
past 20+ years) says we’re right. It’s a mantra often spoken in privacy among colleagues. Not many of us speak about it outside the circle and very few make it the pillar of their therapy practice. But we do. Since we are systemic therapists, we’re not going to fix your kid for you. We’ll help you fix the unhealthy system that’s allowing your kid to continue down whatever path led you to our door.
We don’t counsel for perfection, but honest introspection can go a long way. Parents tend to overestimate their good parenting habits. Compounding this problem, parents underestimate a teenager’s dynamic personal and private life. There are many competing forces of human development happening inside that morphing teenage body: psychological, emotional, social, physical, and spiritual. Parents who are prepared to understand each facet of this prism and continue to learn, be flexible, and not feel the need to control human nature, discover that parenting a teen can be just as much fun as parenting that sweet, snuggly 5 year old.
Parents must get comfortable hearing what they don’t want to hear. The more you listen, the more your kid will talk. If they know you’re safe and non-judgmental, your kids will seek you out when situations get too tough. A word of wisdom: your teenager is not going to become that perfect image of you, no matter what oppressive consequences you have in store. Sorry.
And this is where therapy comes into play. For families nearing that tipping point of ‘everybody eats dinner in a separate room,’ and ‘one more screw-up and you’re packing for boarding school, kid,’ then consider using a therapist to corral the lost and surly members of your household back into the goodwill of a healthy family circle.
(article written by Chris Jones, LPC – counselor and full-time parent)
If you or someone you love are dealing with adolescent issues, we recommend the following therapists:
Please call or email LifeWorks for more information, or to make an appointment.
