What NOT to do if someone you love has a problem with substance abuse:
Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt. If someone you love is abusing alcohol or drugs, perhaps what you do is not as important as what you DON’T do. Here are some behaviors to avoid:
Don’t Also be in Denial: Lying to ourselves by blaming the problem on friends, the devil, a school, bad influences, or a phase won’t help. Forget about placing blame but focus on the real issue.
It is often said the acronym for denial is Don’t Even kNow I Am Lying. So ask the question: what are we lying to ourselves about today?
Don’t Enable: Family members inadvertently subsidize a person’s drug use by giving them financial support, shelter, transportation, protection from authorities, and a cushion from experiencing hardship. Before a person will get the help they need, we need to get out of the way and allow the loved one to experience the natural consequences of their actions.
Don’t Compromise Values: Set boundaries with chemical abusers. If their behavior is not okay with you, let them know! State an intention to look after yourself by setting boundaries. Let abusers know they are loved, but you will not be part of their substance abuse life.
Don’t Argue: Being angry and creating conflict does not motivate people to change. We need to take assertive, practical, and caring steps toward helping abusers get help. The desire and craving for drugs is so strong that abusers will fight and argue to continue their consumption. Because of the denial factor, abusers often don’t realize they have a problem.
Don’t Blame Yourself: People have free will to make choices and choose paths in life. Even though you could have done things differently as a parent, spouse, or friend, don’t allow guilt to hold you hostage! And don’t let past guilt prevent you from taking present action that is in the best interest of the abuser, yourself, and your loved ones.
Don’t forget the 5 C’s: You didn’t Cause the problem, you Can’t control it, and you can’t Cure it. But you can Care for your loved one without Carrying them.
For more information contact Mitch Isle.
