The psychology of predatory behavior is well-documented and often predictable. Take your destiny in your own hands. Whether dealing with complete strangers or managing the inner-workings of your intimate relationships, cultivate your awareness and defenses and protect yourself from being victimized.
- Trust your intuition over trusting other people: How many times have you “just known” or “had a feeling” about someone? This sixth sense is real, and it was given to us for a reason. If you have a bad feeling about someone or something, follow your instincts and walk away. Now.
- Predators are often charming, attractive overly-friendly people: Does your mind’s eye have the serial killer painted to be a dirty, poorly clothed, ill-mannered alley-dwelling type, who you “would never talk to anyway?” Think again! The most dangerous characters are most often alluring, charming and manipulative. You will want to believe them. Don’t be fooled.
- You don’t owe anyone anything: Women are overly quick to feel responsible for others. And wouldn’t you guess, a “victim” is one of the most common and effective disguises donned by a would-be predator. The stranger wanting to borrow your jumper cables or the guy behind you at 7-11 asking for gas money can ask someone else—preferably a man. Let someone less vulnerable step in. You turn and walk away.
- Walk away, run away, just get away: You may feel you have no choice. That you need to stay to finish out an argument, hoping that maybe just the right words will make things better… Whether we are talking about a stranger trying to force you into a car, or a coercive situation with your boyfriend or husband, you do have a choice. You do NOT have to comply just because someone else expects you do to do what they say.
- Too many details too little truth: Want to know a telltale sign of a lie? Way too many details! If a person is telling the truth, there’s no need for an abnormal amount of explanation. Be wary about stories that include random information, especially when it”s helping “explain” why they need your help.
- Be aware of your surroundings: Simple. Dangerous people prey on women who look vulnerable. Keep your head up, walk with confidence and direction, and be aware of your surroundings at all times.
- Don’t ignore the warning signs: After instances of violence or manipulative behavior, victims of abuse can nearly always identify that there were “red flags” that they chose to ignore. Develop the self confidence to heed the warnings and give yourself permission to protect yourself.
- Men who can’t take no for an answer find women who can’t say no: One of the most common traits of deviant personalities is that they don’t take no for an answer. Do not be flattered, do not feel obligated to “just hear them out,” do not make excuses. If you don’t want to go out with him, say “no, thank you,” and leave it at that. If the phone rings 58 times and you pick it up on the 59th to tell him to quit calling you, all he has learned is that it takes 59 phone calls to get you to pick up the phone. Do not respond to an intrusive person. It only encourages him to keep trying.
- Understand and identify “forced teaming”: False intimacy is a favorite tool of predatory offenders. If a stranger or near-stranger uses the word “we” to describe himself and you, if he takes responsibility for your problem or expects you to take responsibility for his, he’s insinuating himself into your space. (“We’ve got a little problem here, don’t we? Looks like we’re loaded down with too many groceries, little lady. Why don’t you let me help you? Where”s that hot-rod of yours and let’s get these groceries loaded up.”) Kick him out immediately. Say no and walk BACK to the store, not to your car! Don’t be afraid to shout out for help.
- Build strong boundaries: Women are notorious for having crummy boundaries. We tend to internalize blame instead of allowing ourselves to feel angry when pushed. Establish and enforce your personal boundaries, and recognize and act when people violate them. Keeping the wrong people out and keeping ourselves safe is the right of every woman.Any man worth his salt will respect a woman’s decision NOT to put herself in an unsafe situation by indulging him. If the man you”re dealing with doesn”t respect your boundaries, he’s BAD NEWS. He is more interested in what he wants than what you need. Lose him.
